Missing You

 

 

I can still hear my moms words in my mind saying "you're gonna miss me when I'm gone" and I do! I miss her laugh and find myself forgetting what it sounds like, and then getting to have a dream where my subconscious mind brings it back perfectly, if only for a few minutes. I miss the funny way she would answer the phone... 'This is your mudder" and the way she would always laugh at her own jokes. I miss her willingness to drop everything she was working on to help me with my projects, and I miss her sending me home from her house with my arms full of grocery bags filled with thing for the kids that she picked up on the clearance isle, or something for me that she picked up at a yard sale. She spoiled all of us rotten with her thiftyness. I miss her reading glasses, and her wads of gum stuck to the top of her vitamin lid or her mug. I miss going to her cluttered house and the two TV's always on because her and dad didn't like watching the same thing. I miss her funny sense of humor. I miss her zucchini bread. I miss the way she always smelled when I would hug her. But most of all, I just miss her hugs.

When I think of my cute dad my mind keeps going back to one of the last times I was able to take him to his doctors visit. He was playing with my hair and rubbing my back so sweetly while we waited in the room for the doctor to come in. As I looked over at him his eyes filled with tears and he tried to speak but stopped himself because he knew he couldn't hold back the sobs. All I really heard through his tears was him tell me that he sure loved me and that he was proud of me... actually all of his kids. He said he was so blessed to have such great kids and amazing grandkids. He talked about how worried he was for his sweetheart. I could feel his worry for my sweet momma, and I could feel his love for me. I hold onto that sweet memory so tight now. I wish I had known at that time that that would have been one of the last real conversations that I would share with him. I think he knew what was swiftly approaching and it breaks my heart. There is so so so much that I wanted to tell him back, but my mind couldn't go there... not yet. I was sort of expecting to say "see ya later" to my momma, I had been being prepared for years, but my pop, I wasn't ready. I still feel like the rug has been pulled out from beneath me and it's been two years. I have come to the conclusion that the missing never goes away really... 

I am so grateful for these two sweet parents of mine. I am grateful for the many ways they blessed my life. Too many to list here, but in my mind I remember those blessings daily, and there is not a day that goes by that I don't thank my Father in Heaven for blessing my life with Shirley Carol Jackson Bass, and Kent B Bass. My mother and father. My eternal friends and my biggest cheerleaders in life.