Wow! A lot to catch up on...

Long story short. Lets start with the Monday after Thanksgiving. That is the day that my brother received a text from my mom with just the word "help"...yeah, that is the text that ended her up in the American Fork Hospital for 10 days in the ICU and then in the Utah Valley Specialty Hospital until December 28th. That in itself would be pretty rough to deal with, but having an extremely sick daddyo added to the unraveling of my life.

While mom was in the hospital trying to recover her ability to breath, my cute dad continued to struggle with his liver issue. Still no clue to this day what they are dealing with, but he has lost close to 65 pounds and cannot eat anything and has lost all his strength and really his personality that makes him my dad. He has been on a pretty heavy dose of antibiotics in his pic line up until about the 17th of December when another biopsy and Ct scan showed that nothing had changed with his liver mass so they stopped all treatment until some culture results could come back. His appointment to follow up with his infectious disease doctor to go over those results was to be the day after Christmas. I think it was about Friday the 21st when he started to feel extra dizzy and weak and he actually fell down on Saturday and then again on Christmas eve,  breaking his glasses and splitting his eyebrow open, but he wouldn't let us take him to get stitches or we would have found out of his troubled state sooner. After much deliberation It was decided that he couldn't be alone on Christmas...because nobody should be, so he packed up all his stuff and headed to spend the night with Kim.

My dad at my house on Christmas day

 My dad looked so good on Christmas day when we all went to visit my mom in the hospital. We all sang Christmas carols with her and had such a nice visit, then he and Kim came over for a yummy dinner and he actually ate a little something. The thought even crossed my mind that he might just be getting better, but deep in my mind I had even worse thoughts, like in some way I was being prompted to act. It is so hard to have those feelings and not know what to do. I wished I had listened closer. I was grateful that he ate a little something on Christmas night even though I am sure now he just didn't want to hurt my feelings because it has been pure torture for him to eat anything, even if it's my awesome cooking ;) He did have a great night with Kim but when the 26th rolled around, he couldn't even wake up. He was so weak and tired and acted very off. She barely got him to the bathroom before he fell asleep again. She called me very worried and so Xandi and I headed over to check things out. When we got there to take him to his appointment with his doctor there was NO WAY that we would be taking him there. It was very evident that something horrible was happening. After a prayer with my sweet sis it was decided that we would be taking him to the ER instead and so Rex, our friend and old neighbor that Kim lives in his basement apartment picked him up and carried him up the stairs to make it easier for us to get him into the car with all the snow we had received. When we got to the top of the stairs he looked like he was dead to me and it scared me so bad. He was having trouble breathing, in fact that was one of the scariest sounds I have ever heard. When we tried to set him down dad just crumpled to the ground.  He sort of blacked out. It happened so fast, but at the same time I felt like I was moving in slow motion. I remember telling Xandi to call 911 and then I just sobbed over my dad so worried that he was breathing his last breaths. One of the scariest things I have ever done, but in the long run I believe it was a blessing. It happened so that we could get him to the rights place, which eventually turned out to be the shock and trauma ICU at the IMC Hospital. He has been there since December 26th still in shock, with kidney failure, and has received about 5 units of blood and blood products, fighting for his life, but has a team of doctors trying to figure out his mystery illness. He has no memory of our 911 ordeal or those first hours in the ER. His only diagnosis at this time is that he is in septic shock and kidney failure. Still no idea what the liver mass that is causing his illness is.

I can honestly say that by far this is the hardest thing I have ever done. I feel so helpless. I am mentally and emotionally spent. I can only imagine how either of my parents feel.

My cute dad three short months ago