Remembering two of my best peeps this Memorial Day

There is not a day that goes by that you aren't on my mind in one way or another either making me giggle remembering all your funniness or making me tear up because I miss your hugs and great advise. I miss you most when I have been dreaming of you and then have to wake up to reality. Those short visits with you, in my dreams leave me with a feeling of so much joy and so much sadness because it makes the missing you so much harder. I miss you mom! I miss you most when I see other people with their mothers and I feel jealous and sad and feel punished because if I had been a better daughter I might still have you here...because I still need you. I had never imagined that I would feel this way...What I would give to be able to give you a big birthday squeeze and to tell you how happy I am that you gave me my life and taught me so much and helped me become a big part of who I am today. My sweet mother, I love you so so so much.

Happy Birthday Momma!

One Year Anniversay

It seems so wrong to me to call the passing of a certain period of time relating to death an anniversary. For me, anniversaries have always been pleasant things, much like birthdays or how many years Xandi and I have been dating, or how many years of married life we've enjoyed. They are celebrations of milestones in our lives, happy times that we want to remember. Until now.

I have come to the realization that this ache in my heart will never really go away. I don't ever expect I will get over losing anyone that I love, ever. There is no pretty ribbon to wrap around this box named sorrow and to tie into a nice neat bow. Death hurts, even though I KNOW it's temporary. There is no way to easily explain what happens during this grieving process. It is so personal and indeed - a process. I am so grateful for the people that were, and remain so to this day, my rocks. I am grateful to my Father in Heaven and my Savior for loving me even when my faith is wavering, and I would be lying if I said it hasn't. This past year has been my hardest year, and not just because of having to say goodbye all too soon to my parents. I know I have struggled more than I ever have with my testimony and I dont know why it has to happen now of all times and why I have so many questions now. For heavens sake, I am an old woman who should have the eternities figured out by now! I just think that there are times when everyone has struggles I guess, it just depends on what you do in those moments, do you discount everything you've believed and had faith in your whole life or do you doubt your doubts? Maybe it's just time for me to grow up and stand on my own two feet now that I am an orphan and all... But I do know this...I know always in my heart that my Father in Heaven knows best. He knows all. He knows us and the pain and struggles we have, and he loves us even when we mess things up and when we question Him and His plan. I am grateful for the faith I do have, even when it feels far away.

It will get better. I know with time, even this pain of loss will lessen. I know I haven't REALLY lost anyone...I just wish for one more big huge hug and squeeze from my cute mom and dad to tide me over until we meet again. That's all.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." A.A. Milne

I am so grateful for my parents. I am the daughter of two very loving, supportive, generous, faithful people. My parents are gone but will never forgotten and always loved. I miss them terribly. I can't believe it was one short year ago on Thanksgiving that it was the last time that I had them both in my home at the same time. If I had known then how short the time I had left I would have held on to them both so tight and never would have let go. They were two people that I always knew how much they adored me. How can I not miss that? My parents enabled me to experience many things and I am grateful for how hard they worked to give us Bass kids a great life. They gave and gave and gave to all of us kids all the time. Always there to help at the drop of a hat. I am grateful for the qualities they both instilled in me. I am grateful that they taught me how to work hard. I am grateful that they taught me the gospel and helped me find my own testimony. I am grateful for all the memories that make me smile and the memories that leave me with tears in my eyes and tender feelings in my heart.

I am grateful that Families are Forever!

Grandma and Grandpa Bass' Home

This week we found out that my parents home has been sold and that we will be closing on it this next Friday. Even though this is not the home I grew up in I still feel a deep connection to this place. For one, the amazing back yard and all the memories that go with it. So many fun times spent together playing as a family. So many times rummaging through the garden and being sent home with loads of veggies. Picking fruit from any kind of tree you could want. Collecting the eggs for Grandpa. The list could go on and on. Secondly, I was witness to some very sacred spiritual events in that home and had a front row seat the days that my parents took their last breaths with their tired bodies. I love this place, and on a beautiful day like today I couldn't help but throw my camera at Soph and tell her to start snapping pictures so they would help us remember all the things that made us happy at grandma's house.

Visiting my momma and my pops

I guess this means it's official. They sure do have such a pretty spot though and they are together, so I guess me missing them is a small price to pay. They are two pretty lucky kids.

I am officially on a headstone, but not because I died...thank goodness for that. I guess it actually isn't on a stone yet but we have finally mustered up the courage to go get something worked up for my angel parents marker for their spot. I don't know why it has taken us so long to get our act together, it just seems so official once you put a stone on it. I hope they love it. I am so excited to see it on the pretty piece of granite that we picked out. Now cross your fingers that the weather holds out until it can be put down so we wont have to wait until spring to see the real thing.

Remembering my two angel parents on Memorial Day

My first mothers day without a mom :(

I can't believe that it has been 4 months since I had to say goodbye to this stunningly beautiful mother of mine. I heard somewhere that life doesn't come with an instruction manual...but it does come with a mother. As I have thought about that I have decided how true that statement is. She was my very own personal instructor on practically everything. She was my manual. She knew whatever I needed to learn and she was my go to if I ever needed help with absolutely ANYTHING. Needless to say, I still feel very lost without her and I miss her so much it hurts.
 

Happy Mothers Day to the best mommy in the world...for me. I love you!

I miss my dad...

my hard working, perfectionist, loving and sweet, who would do anything for me and for his whole entire family dad! I was laughing today because I inherited his Christmas tree. That's really not the funny thing though but looking at the box made me giggle. I am laughing because I have to be the one that pulls this perfect tree out of it's just so box and know that it will never be the same. Have you ever met anyone that can get a Christmas tree back into it's original box put together just perfectly? I have. My dad. And everything he did in his life was to the best of his ability. Never settling for second best, especially when it came to the things he worked hard at. He is such an example to me of making the most of what you've been given. He was one of the smartest men I have ever known, and he taught me so much just from his example.

Happiest of Happy Birthday's, Mom!

Today was a hard day for me. Probably the hardest day since the day my mom passed away. Today is my sweet mommy's birthday! I think all of these first's are going to be really hard days for me. I miss her so and wish everyday that I could give her just one more squeeze. 

I love you mom! I am sure you will still be checking up on my blog from time to time and I just want you to know how much I wished you were still here to laugh with. Thank you for being the best mom for me. Shouting and all. I do believe that this list of qualities describes you perfectly, especially the fact that I know you loved me no matter what and you still do!

 

I can't believe that today and tomorrow mark one month since I lost two of my biggest cheerleaders in life. They really were. Nobody loves you like your parents love you, at least that's what I always tell my kids. I miss my mom and dad so much, and wish everyday that I could just have one little peek on them to know that they are alright.  I try so hard to feel them close to me through my day to day routines but I don't feel them close, and that makes me feel sad. I think I am trying too hard, plus they are probably very busy. I still feel anxious and sorrowful at times, but I am grateful that I can say that I made it an entire month and I don't feel that way everyday. This kind of grief is something I could have never been prepared for, even though I could see it coming, you are never really prepared for the loss you feel. I still feel like it's a bad dream that I can't wake up from. Both my parents, in less than 24 hours is a lot to deal with. Most days though, my heart is just so full of love and thoughts of my wonderful childhood, and full of the love my parents always showed me.
I am amazed how spending time with my family has made me feel. It is medicine for my heart. My little family and my big family! I long for time with my siblings because they are the only ones that know how much I hurt, and they make me feel closer to mom and dad than any other time. I  Know that when we get together and we are all looking around the room, it's because we all know someone is missing. We are in the same boat. I love them so much!
I am grateful for a sweet husband that holds me tight and lets me cry. I know how much he misses them too. I am grateful that we have each other because I don't know if I could be so strong without him, or without my cute kids. They give me something to get out of bed for, and that is a miracle. I am so grateful that he takes me to the temple every week to remind me that the relationship I have with my parents is an eternal one. There is no better place for that reminder and no better place to feel the peace I long for.

Rest in peace mommy and pops. After watching both of your bodies suffer for so long, you both deserve it! I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!

Two weeks ago today I lost my dad, and two weeks ago tomorrow I lost my cute momma. I have been an orphan child for two whole weeks now and it doesn't seem to be getting easier. The feelings I have are still so tender and my heart is still trying to adjust to life without my parents being physically here. I have been trying to put on a brave face for the world as I have been trying to get back to "real" life which is proving to be pretty difficult for me. I just look at people going about their busy lives and feel jealous that they are so carefree...while I hurt. When people ask how I am doing I tell them that I am okay and I put on a smile that makes them believe me. In truth, right now I am still not okay. In fact, I am far from okay. There are moments that I actually want to scream and throw a full on tantrum in the middle of the floor because I am so NOT OKAY. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I can't call up my mom on the phone for advise or if I am in need of a good laugh, and that I can't have a heart to heart with my dad while I give him his monthly haircut or know that he won't be showing up on my doorstep with a couple dozen eggs and a huge hug. My heart actually hurts. I know "death is a part of life", I know "my parents are in a better place now", I know that "at least they both don't have to suffer anymore", and I know that people say these thing to make me feel better and I love them for it, but guess what? It doesn't make me feel better and I have no idea how long it will take for me to feel better. I know I should be picking up the pieces of my heart and dusting them off, but I am not sure how to do it.

I do find peace and I am grateful for the knowledge and testimony I have of eternal families and that I know I will see my parents again. I am so lucky to have had them as mine here on this earth, and I am so lucky to have them forever! 

I am so grateful for my loving little family that has let me be sad and work through this extreme loss I feel. They are so sweet to me and I love their big hugs and "I love yous". 

I am grateful for my loving Father in Heaven and the personal relationship I have with my Savior. He is the one that can heal my broken heart, I just need to give him all the pieces. He is the one that has made it possible that we can be together forever with the people that we love the most. He has given me the best gifts and I am so grateful for Him.

I am grateful for so many wonderful friends and loved ones that have helped me feel like I am not alone. People are so kind and good, and I have learned a lot from others as I have gone through this, and they have inspired me to be a better me in the future. 

I am even so very grateful for this experience of losing my mom and dad. I mean, if I have to go through it anyway, boy what an experience. I had been praying and praying for peace for my parents for so long...peace meant that I had to lose them both I guess...but I am grateful that they have finally found peace. It has been such a blessing to witness first hand the enduring love that they had for each other. What a tender love story. What a spiritual gift to us as their children to have experienced what my brothers and sister and I experienced with our sweet parents. I love my brothers and sister so much! As hard as it was, it was one of the most spiritual, faith building experiences of my life, as I am sure it was for my sibs...but it's still so very hard.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."  A.A. Milne

 

In Loving Memory

Kent & Shirley Bass
1937 ~ 2013
1942 ~ 2013
Kent and Shirley Bass both passed away at home in Lindon, Utah surrounded by their loving family just 21 short hours apart from each other. They were holding hands in the end as they had been sweethearts for 50 years. This was a bittersweet moment for their five children and extended family on Jan. 9th and 10th of 2013.
Kent and Shirley were married on June 26, 1963 after a short courtship in Granger, Utah. They were later sealed in the Salt Lake City Temple on May 2, 1978. They lived for a number of years in South Jordan, Utah until their family was raised, then moved to Lindon, Utah. The Gospel of Jesus Christ was very important for them, and they served in various callings in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They were very happy in the knowledge that families are forever.
Dad was born in Salt Lake City, Utah to Glen Haddon Bass and Marie Wood. He attended Jordan High School and later served in the U.S. Navy and was a member of the original crew that recommissioned the U.S.S. Lexington. Dad loved the outdoors and spending time with his wonderful grandkids. A brief illness cut the time short but it increased the love.
Mom truly lived life to the fullest. She was born to Robert Jackson and Farol Richardson in Salt Lake City, Utah. She was a graduate of Granger High School. She loved sewing, going to yard sales, and spending time with family and friends. Once diagnosed with the disease that would take her life, she never gave up. She knew her time in this life was short, yet she remained strong and positive.
They are survived by their children Kimberly, Brian (Angela), Robert (Jennifer), Stacy (Alex), Matthew (Jennifer), and sixteen grandchildren. Kent is survived by his brothers Rex (Carol), George (Wilda), Bob (Irene), Boyd (Connie) and Mike (Naomi). He is preceded in death by his mother, father, and brother, Glen. Shirley is survived by her brothers Gary (Linda), Howard (Linda), and Dave (Karen). She is preceded in death by her mother, father, and brothers Bob and Duane.
The family would like to give special thanks to Leann Jackson with Brighton Hospice Care for the tender care she showed our mother and father.
A funeral will be held in their honor on Jan. 14th at the Lindon 3rd Ward building at 11:00 a.m. located at 320 W. 500 N. Lindon, Utah. A viewing will be Sunday evening from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. at the same location.

Tender Last Moments

We Are A Family
FOREVER 

Since before any of us were born, God planned for us to share our lives together. He knew exactly how our strengths and weaknesses would balance one another and the depth of love, understanding, and commitment we would learn to feel. He knew the richness of our separate characters would be developed through hard times and that mutual trust and respect would be born as a result of overcoming trials together. He knew that we would laugh together and cry together. He knew we would need each other...to hug...to help...to teach...to serve...to LOVE...