I can't believe that today and tomorrow mark one month since I lost two of my biggest cheerleaders in life. They really were. Nobody loves you like your parents love you, at least that's what I always tell my kids. I miss my mom and dad so much, and wish everyday that I could just have one little peek on them to know that they are alright.  I try so hard to feel them close to me through my day to day routines but I don't feel them close, and that makes me feel sad. I think I am trying too hard, plus they are probably very busy. I still feel anxious and sorrowful at times, but I am grateful that I can say that I made it an entire month and I don't feel that way everyday. This kind of grief is something I could have never been prepared for, even though I could see it coming, you are never really prepared for the loss you feel. I still feel like it's a bad dream that I can't wake up from. Both my parents, in less than 24 hours is a lot to deal with. Most days though, my heart is just so full of love and thoughts of my wonderful childhood, and full of the love my parents always showed me.
I am amazed how spending time with my family has made me feel. It is medicine for my heart. My little family and my big family! I long for time with my siblings because they are the only ones that know how much I hurt, and they make me feel closer to mom and dad than any other time. I  Know that when we get together and we are all looking around the room, it's because we all know someone is missing. We are in the same boat. I love them so much!
I am grateful for a sweet husband that holds me tight and lets me cry. I know how much he misses them too. I am grateful that we have each other because I don't know if I could be so strong without him, or without my cute kids. They give me something to get out of bed for, and that is a miracle. I am so grateful that he takes me to the temple every week to remind me that the relationship I have with my parents is an eternal one. There is no better place for that reminder and no better place to feel the peace I long for.

Rest in peace mommy and pops. After watching both of your bodies suffer for so long, you both deserve it! I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!