One Year Anniversay

It seems so wrong to me to call the passing of a certain period of time relating to death an anniversary. For me, anniversaries have always been pleasant things, much like birthdays or how many years Xandi and I have been dating, or how many years of married life we've enjoyed. They are celebrations of milestones in our lives, happy times that we want to remember. Until now.

I have come to the realization that this ache in my heart will never really go away. I don't ever expect I will get over losing anyone that I love, ever. There is no pretty ribbon to wrap around this box named sorrow and to tie into a nice neat bow. Death hurts, even though I KNOW it's temporary. There is no way to easily explain what happens during this grieving process. It is so personal and indeed - a process. I am so grateful for the people that were, and remain so to this day, my rocks. I am grateful to my Father in Heaven and my Savior for loving me even when my faith is wavering, and I would be lying if I said it hasn't. This past year has been my hardest year, and not just because of having to say goodbye all too soon to my parents. I know I have struggled more than I ever have with my testimony and I dont know why it has to happen now of all times and why I have so many questions now. For heavens sake, I am an old woman who should have the eternities figured out by now! I just think that there are times when everyone has struggles I guess, it just depends on what you do in those moments, do you discount everything you've believed and had faith in your whole life or do you doubt your doubts? Maybe it's just time for me to grow up and stand on my own two feet now that I am an orphan and all... But I do know this...I know always in my heart that my Father in Heaven knows best. He knows all. He knows us and the pain and struggles we have, and he loves us even when we mess things up and when we question Him and His plan. I am grateful for the faith I do have, even when it feels far away.

It will get better. I know with time, even this pain of loss will lessen. I know I haven't REALLY lost anyone...I just wish for one more big huge hug and squeeze from my cute mom and dad to tide me over until we meet again. That's all.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." A.A. Milne

Wrapping up our 12 Day Adventure and Life on a Cruise Ship

Cozumel

Today we had the best of all worlds. We had an awesome tour of the island and found out that there are 6 gas stations on the 36 mile long 9 mile wide island and about 176 liquor stores. Needless to say, the island is pretty chill! They will even be getting their own Walmart soon to go with the McDonald, Domino's, Subway, and 7-eleven!
We visited a really cool Mayan ruin site today and then spent the rest of the day playing on the beach, shopping, and of course eating yummy food. Poke me with a fork already!

San Gervasio

Beach Fun

Costa Maya

A beautiful day shopping and then laying out on the beach drinking fru fru drinks and watching the waves roll in. Pretty close to heaven.

Belize

Belize City brought us Mayan ruins and one of the biggest adventures we have ever been on. I don't think Xandi will ever forget the cramped van ride with a bunch of people from Jamaica on roads that could rattle your brain cells if you had to travel on them everyday. It was a humbling day for us to see how others live and to be reminded of all we are blessed with.

Altun Ha

(Water over the rocks)

Roatan Honduras

Our first and favorite port! We spent the day playing in the ocean; snorkeling, kayaking, eating yummy food and getting too much sun. Loved it so much and cannot say one bad thing about this little port town. The people were so nice and it was one on the pretties places I have ever seen.

Our Next Stop On Our Romanical Adventure...The Turquoise Blue Caribbean Waters

BonVoyage

On this snowy and cold December day, I am remembering warmer times :) and I miss them already!

Feeling Happy in the Happiest Place on Earth

Here are a few shots of our Disney Hotel. Loved every minute of staying on a Disney property and would do it again in a heartbeat. This is the French Quarter at the Disney Port Orleans at Walt Disney World. We could get to all of the parks via buses that run all hours the parks were open, or we could travel on an awesome water way that could get us to downtown Disney and the boardwalk. So much fun!

Our first adventure was Epcot. What a day. We are just a couple kids going from one ride to the next from this place to that, checking out all the world has to offer. We visited Mexico, Japan, Moraco, enjoyed a bratwurst in England, macaroons in France, we went to China, ate some prime Canadian beef, and even took a little nap in the good old U S of A in the Hall of Presidents tribute...all in one day!

Next day was a stop at the Disney's Animal Kingdom.Way cooler than any zoo I have ever been in, but you do pay three times as much so it better be cool!

Disney's Hollywood Studios was lots of great fun and finally made me a little excited about Christmas time. It was so decked out in holiday cheer and lights and for the first time it really felt like the Disneyland feeling that I love so much.

Our last day in the parks was the grand finally. And by grand finally, I mean rain! We spend most of the day Saturday drenched. Not a fun feeling but we made the best of it and still had the time of our lives. I♥Disney

We are a work in progress with an eternal contract

20 years ago today...

Most people get married believing in a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage at the very begging is just an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people, and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art, and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, and keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.

I am so grateful for the full box that 20 years of loving each other has given us. I certainly could not ask for a better partner in life...for eternity. I really hit the jackpot when I met Alexander Ray Schmalz. I can honestly say that I love, admire, and respect Xandi more every year that passes. He is my everything.